The anniversary of my friend’s death is approaching. I began thinking about her and the process of watching her die. Here’s the poem that seemed to burst out of me, once I gave myself permission to feel everything.
—
In the End
i tried to help you
understand
this cancer is ruthless.
i tried to help you
prepare
i could feel
the end was coming.
i tried to believe
alongside you
the treatments
would give us more
time.
i tried to keep
hopeful
i tried to
allow
independence.
i tried to convince you
of hospice.
i tried to make the doctors
be honest.
i tried to ignore
the
dying
i saw in you.
i tried to convince you
it’s time.
go home.
i tried to ease
pain
that final
night.
i tried to lessen
fear.
i tried to explain
dying
to your family.
i tried and
i tried.
yet, still
you
died.
and,
in the end,
i would do it
all over
again.
